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I’m a gay teen who’s been in the closet for years and I’ve just gotten to the stage in my life where I’ve slowly started tellilng people. I told my best friend and it was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I was nervous and sweating. Now I want to tell my parents. I know they will accept me but it’s still hard because my family doesn’t talk much about personal lives. Have you got any tips on how to do it? I was thinking of writing a letter just before I go on holidays and then send it. That way, they’ll have time to settle down. Is that the coward way to do it? Should I tell them to the face? Please help.

Anonymous.

Dear Anonymous,

There is no such thing as a “coward way” of telling your parents. A letter sounds fine, and tons of people tell their parents that way. Do what makes you feel most comfortable. There are no right ways or wrong ways. If you tell them face to face, make sure it is when everyone has a bit of time, and it’s in a private setting. But don’t put it off because you are waiting for the right time or the right setting. If you find yourself leaning toward doing this, go back to the letter method. Either way it sounds like things will be OK for you. So our best advice is to get going with it. Good luck and don’t panic. It’s all gunna be OK.

I’m a 20-year-old male who had a same sex experience. I was curious about my sexuality. I wasn’t sure if I was gay, bi, or straight. Now I regret the expereince and have guilty and depressed feelings about it. I received oral sex and was masturbated by the guy. I was wondering if this is normal and should I have acted on it? I can’t eat or sleep because of this. At school, my counselor told me that what I did was normal and healthy. However, I wonder if I should tell my parents. They ask me if I am depressed because I am always walking around gloomy and sad-looking. Plus I think I made my friend feel bad when I told him I regretted what we did. It was my idea to experiment in the first place. What should I do? I’m so depressed.

Mattie

Hey Mattie,

You have absolutely nothing to worry or feel guilty about. Fooling around with other dudes out of curiosity is very normal. I’m 29 and I have lots of straight friends who have been with a guy once or twice. After a while you realize it’s a pretty normal thing. Your guilt lies in the assumption that being gay is wrong, so therefore you must have something to feel guilty for. But being gay isn’t wrong, so neither is a guy getting off with another guy. In life you must experience things. You should be happy to have had the experience so now you can move on. In five years you will look back on this and laugh, and maybe also tell people about it. You have no reason to tell your parents. You are 20 and what you do in your private life is none of their business anyway. Besides, you have done nothing bad at all. It’s all part of life. People do this stuff all the time, they just don’t tell other people about it. Your counselor was totally right that this is normal and healthy. And if it happens again, it’s still totally normal and healthy.

One last thing that we know to be true: there really is no such thing as “straight” or “gay”. Those are just labels. It’s just a body and you can do whatever you want with it. It doesn’t mean one thing or another.

Don’t feel guilt. Feel proud of yourself for doing yourself the favor of trying to figure yourself out. That is an amazing thing and it means you love yourself. Breathe, relax, and realize that what you did is good and important. There’s nothing to be depressed about. Don’t worry about who you have to tell. It’s no one’s business and you are not lying.

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